Mugabe Writes Rochas: I Deserve A Statue More Than Jacob Zuma

Dear Rochas, My hatred for the Western media is a global secret. I have personally boycotted them for over two decades. I would have maintained my blissful presumption that their flagship cable television has long gone extinct, if it were not for a recent event that had to do with your

Rochas, Jacob Zuma, and The Book of Nebuchadnezzar

And it came to pass in the sixth year of the reign of Rochadnezzar, King of Imolon, that a band of seven unclean spirits from the wilderness infiltrated his mind and became the stuff his dreams were made of. And, behold, there rose up from the mud seven graven images, one

The Nigerian Army and The Failed Medical Outreach In The South East

The botched medical outreach of the Nigerian Army in the South East is one more example of the quality of thinking that misguides the Nigerian Army. It’s incredible that the top brass decided that a military-manned mobile clinic had a real prospect of success in Igboland and that this, of all times, was

Buhari’s Corruption Is More Innocent Than Yours

All of a sudden, the Buhari administration that is given to shouting anti-corruption from the rooftop has adjusted to the inviolate, otherworldly quiet of a Buddhist monastery. The dubious 9 trillion naira contract fraud exploded by Ibe Kachikwu’s ‘leaked’ memo has forced them into preternatural speechlessness. President Buhari, who cornered the

The Memo Ibe Kachikwu Did Not Write

The leaked memo of the Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Ibe Kachikwu, to President Buhari is a short-hand exposé on the superfluity of corruption in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation.   In the memo, a downcast Kachickwu pleads for the restoration of the dignity of his person and authority of his office. The humiliated cabinet

Buhari Writes Paul and Peter: The Unity of Psquare Is Non-Negotiable

Dear Paul and Peter,   I have just been informed that one of you unilaterally announced the ‘split’ of the crisis-prone Psquare. That’s an act of self-determination. It is treasonable and worthy of classification as terrorism.   I recall that your late mother paid me a visit at my Daura home a couple of years ago. We shared dinner

So Buhari Loves The Muslims of Myanmar?

President Buhari’s notable achievement at the 72nd United Nations General Assembly in New York was doing a good job of reading out a high-minded speech that contradicted his worldview as if it were a poem from his heart.   His posturing was too convincing for a man that is seldom credited with a talent for