The Grace and Disgrace of Robert Mugabe

History teaches us that dictators tend to rehearse the same tragic script: they indulge the delusion of their own hubris, overreach themselves, and make themselves vulnerable to a disastrous downfall. Robert Mugabe has yet to acquiesce to his removal from office with a formal resignation. But for all practical purposes, Mugabe

Mugabe Writes Rochas: I Deserve A Statue More Than Jacob Zuma

Dear Rochas, My hatred for the Western media is a global secret. I have personally boycotted them for over two decades. I would have maintained my blissful presumption that their flagship cable television has long gone extinct, if it were not for a recent event that had to do with your

Rochas, Jacob Zuma, and The Book of Nebuchadnezzar

And it came to pass in the sixth year of the reign of Rochadnezzar, King of Imolon, that a band of seven unclean spirits from the wilderness infiltrated his mind and became the stuff his dreams were made of. And, behold, there rose up from the mud seven graven images, one

Buhari’s Corruption Is More Innocent Than Yours

All of a sudden, the Buhari administration that is given to shouting anti-corruption from the rooftop has adjusted to the inviolate, otherworldly quiet of a Buddhist monastery. The dubious 9 trillion naira contract fraud exploded by Ibe Kachikwu’s ‘leaked’ memo has forced them into preternatural speechlessness. President Buhari, who cornered the

The Memo Ibe Kachikwu Did Not Write

The leaked memo of the Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Ibe Kachikwu, to President Buhari is a short-hand exposé on the superfluity of corruption in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation.   In the memo, a downcast Kachickwu pleads for the restoration of the dignity of his person and authority of his office. The humiliated cabinet

Buhari Writes Paul and Peter: The Unity of Psquare Is Non-Negotiable

Dear Paul and Peter,   I have just been informed that one of you unilaterally announced the ‘split’ of the crisis-prone Psquare. That’s an act of self-determination. It is treasonable and worthy of classification as terrorism.   I recall that your late mother paid me a visit at my Daura home a couple of years ago. We shared dinner

Buhari, Buratai and The Python Panacea

The ongoing destructive ‘Python Dance’ of the Nigerian troops in the South East states of Nigeria is easily the most futile conceivable strategy for defeating the growing Biafra consciousness in Igboland. It’s a thought police witch-hunt operation. And it is destined to end in a shameful retreat like all brawny

Mama Taraba: The Other Aisha In Buhari’s Life

This is bad news: the malcontents in the State House that can’t abide President Muhammadu Buhari are not all rats. A member of his cabinet also wants to see his back.   Barely two weeks after the rodents attempted to evict him from office, Aisha Al-Hassan, Buhari’s minister of women affairs, suggested

Why Rats Should Colonize Nigeria

A frustrated candidate Trump once asked the black American community that just wouldn’t warm to his campaign and the prospect of his presidency, ‘’what the hell do you have to lose?’’.   After the spokesman of the Nigerian president informed Nigerians that a legion of rats overran the office of the president of