The Handwriting on Buhari’s Wall

There comes a time in the life of a failing leader when the tally of his actions and inactions establishes beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is helplessly incompetent and past redemption. That hour has come upon Muhammadu Buhari. The clock now ticks toward his moment of ultimate disgrace. Buhari has lost credibility

Fulani Herdsmen: Time To Boycott Blood Beef

Fulani herdsmen are the freest mass murderers in the world today. They are the only band of active terrorists on this planet that are privileged with explicit immunity. Nigeria has all but officially legitimized their campaign of violent depopulation on Nigerian farmer communities. The government of the day dutifully rationalizes,

The Grace and Disgrace of Robert Mugabe

History teaches us that dictators tend to rehearse the same tragic script: they indulge the delusion of their own hubris, overreach themselves, and make themselves vulnerable to a disastrous downfall. Robert Mugabe has yet to acquiesce to his removal from office with a formal resignation. But for all practical purposes, Mugabe

Mugabe Writes Rochas: I Deserve A Statue More Than Jacob Zuma

Dear Rochas, My hatred for the Western media is a global secret. I have personally boycotted them for over two decades. I would have maintained my blissful presumption that their flagship cable television has long gone extinct, if it were not for a recent event that had to do with your

Rochas, Jacob Zuma, and The Book of Nebuchadnezzar

And it came to pass in the sixth year of the reign of Rochadnezzar, King of Imolon, that a band of seven unclean spirits from the wilderness infiltrated his mind and became the stuff his dreams were made of. And, behold, there rose up from the mud seven graven images, one

Buhari’s Corruption Is More Innocent Than Yours

All of a sudden, the Buhari administration that is given to shouting anti-corruption from the rooftop has adjusted to the inviolate, otherworldly quiet of a Buddhist monastery. The dubious 9 trillion naira contract fraud exploded by Ibe Kachikwu’s ‘leaked’ memo has forced them into preternatural speechlessness. President Buhari, who cornered the

The Memo Ibe Kachikwu Did Not Write

The leaked memo of the Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Ibe Kachikwu, to President Buhari is a short-hand exposé on the superfluity of corruption in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation.   In the memo, a downcast Kachickwu pleads for the restoration of the dignity of his person and authority of his office. The humiliated cabinet

Buhari Writes Paul and Peter: The Unity of Psquare Is Non-Negotiable

Dear Paul and Peter,   I have just been informed that one of you unilaterally announced the ‘split’ of the crisis-prone Psquare. That’s an act of self-determination. It is treasonable and worthy of classification as terrorism.   I recall that your late mother paid me a visit at my Daura home a couple of years ago. We shared dinner

Buhari, Buratai and The Python Panacea

The ongoing destructive ‘Python Dance’ of the Nigerian troops in the South East states of Nigeria is easily the most futile conceivable strategy for defeating the growing Biafra consciousness in Igboland. It’s a thought police witch-hunt operation. And it is destined to end in a shameful retreat like all brawny