The Memo Ibe Kachikwu Did Not Write

The leaked memo of the Minister of State for Petroleum Resources, Ibe Kachikwu, to President Buhari is a short-hand exposé on the superfluity of corruption in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation.   In the memo, a downcast Kachickwu pleads for the restoration of the dignity of his person and authority of his office. The humiliated cabinet minister laments that […]

Buhari Writes Paul and Peter: The Unity of Psquare Is Non-Negotiable

Dear Paul and Peter,   I have just been informed that one of you unilaterally announced the ‘split’ of the crisis-prone Psquare. That’s an act of self-determination. It is treasonable and worthy of classification as terrorism.   I recall that your late mother paid me a visit at my Daura home a couple of years ago. We shared dinner and […]

Buhari, Buratai and The Python Panacea

The ongoing destructive ‘Python Dance’ of the Nigerian troops in the South East states of Nigeria is easily the most futile conceivable strategy for defeating the growing Biafra consciousness in Igboland. It’s a thought police witch-hunt operation. And it is destined to end in a shameful retreat like all brawny wars waged against persuasions rooted […]

Deconstructing ‘The Floating Toilet’ of Bayelsa

The proud rollout of ‘a floating toilet’ by one member of Bayelsa State House of Assembly outraged the Nigerian blogosphere. Nigerian netizens decried the woeful ostentation of the wretched contraption. The well-choreographed ‘commissioning’ ceremony appeared to have cost a lot more than horrible loo itself.   Kate Owoko cobbled the ‘floating latrine’ together with corrugated […]

From Wailing Wailers To Descendants of Shimei

It seems that the spokesman of the Nigerian president must have significant abuse value. You must have a facility for name-calling. Or you must be a normal man that is willing to cast aside your manners and dispense insults on the chief’s behalf.   When Wole Soyinka expressed strong reservations about President Obasanjo’s philistine militarism, […]

The Pets Aisha Called Jackals and Hyenas

The leader of Indigenous People of Biafra, Nnamdi Kanu, received the biggest surprise of his adult life last week.   Without any prior sign of the evolution of her views on self-determination, Aisha Buhari dramatically subscribed to the motto of Kanu’s secessionist movement that President Muhammadu Buhari had tried so hard to shoot dead and ‘’crush.’’   […]